Food Ghost

This afternoon I dined at Food Ghost. This eatery, housed in a Gothic revival mansion, gave me one of my least disappointing culinary experiences in the past few days. Now, those of you in my personal circle of friends know that I have many hilarious "restaurant horror stories" to share, but never before have "horror stories" and "restaurant" mixed in such an agreeable fashion. At Food Ghost, everything wonderful about fear and food reaches its ecstatic apotheosis. A horrible knell thrills the air when you pull on the purple velvet cord at the front door. The wooden slat of the wrought iron-encaged "speakeasy" slides open and your maitre d's paranoid, marmoreal eyes shift until you state the password and he allows you to enter this amazing pageant of spooky food. The eerie Victorian decor and funereal organ music set the proper tone. And the food itself! Bliss on a tablecloth. Wait, that sounds creepy. But let it stand, because Food Ghost is THE place for creep cuisine. Thankfully, the Food Ghost folks have more imagination than to offer "terror-themed" provisions. The waitron served me an astounding shark medallion enrobed in jalapeno jelly and japes of chocolate nonpareils. Afterwards, I went mad for the heart-pounding excitement of the dessert--yes, it was my favorite--a Brown Mule. If you haven't had a Brown Mule, then I pity you. I mean it--you're pathetic. But, like someone who has never read these reviews before, you are in for a treat. I must say the choice of beverages was excellent, and I was surprised and intrigued by the glass of "Dr. Perky" the waitron insisted I must sample. I wound up buying an entire case of the stuff! And as you know, I just don't do that. A wonderful thing about Food Ghost is how each dining area has its own theme. There's a Music Room, a Portrait Gallery, a Scullery, a Trussing Chamber, and a number of other fabulous interior choices. I dined in the Portrait Gallery, and found the portraits truly terrifying. For they aren't paintings--far from it! Food Ghost features huge framed color photographs of Victorian-costumed customers of Food Ghost. What a hoot! After dessert, I was taken into the Photographer's Studio and sat for my Food Ghost portrait. I was dressed as some mystique-saturated Victorian magician--how appropriate! I am proud to say that my portrait now hangs among the many others in the gallery. What could be spookier? From the damp, chilly atmosphere of the dining room, to the clammy demeanor of the waitron, there is something at Food Ghost to delight the most jaded food fan. By the end of your meal, the ghost of your dining experience will linger in a not unpleasant way. And so I unreservedly give Food Ghost an enthusiastic Four and One Half Groans!