The Bitterest Gumdrop

A first! Tonight, I am transmitting a "live" restaurant review. Yes, I am writing this message direct from the eatery that I am reviewing. Never say that I am behind the times, as I sit here in the Bitterest Gumdrop with my laptop computer. Looking around me, I see the rummage sale decor that gives "the Drop" its bohemian ambiance, and I am well pleased. The fanciful lamps, the brown scratchy curtains, the exposed wiring--it all screams "beatnik eats" and that is always a good diversion from serious cuisine. I must say that I was quite impressed with the fare available here. I will get to that later. I want to mention something I alluded to in my awards for 2009, and that is the "royalty-avoiding almost hits" that pour from the speakers here. It takes a certain kind of genius to pen a tune that sounds almost exactly like a top-ten hit but not enough that an attorney won't give it the seal of approval. Right now, I'm enjoying a version of Neil Diamond's "I Am...I Said" that is teasingly recognizable yet oh-so-different. I love it! I think I may even love it more than the original (heresy!). If you know anything about me, you know that I consider "I Am...I Said" to be my personal anthem, so for me to say that a song that skirts travesty and rip-off may even be more loved by me is wondrous beyond the imagining. It's good enough to appear in a TV commercial as a jingle--I'm not kidding! And so, soaking in the "beatnik generation" atmosphere and hearing a delightful variation on my life anthem, I await the arrival of my waitron. As an appetizer, I ordered the Decorative Cabbage--and ah, speak of the angel, for here is my waitron with the cabbage, lovingly displayed in a huge terracotta pot. The cabbage has a perfect purple hue and as I unroot it from the dirt, I'm amazed at the "eye ecstasy" it grants me. After gobbling this decorative delight, I am now ready for the entree. And do you believe it, but the attentive waitron is at tableside with an open-face cottage cheese and graham cracker sandwichette with a side of sarcastic Funyons stuffed with anchovies. Perfect! I'm liking this place more and more by the minute. The wonderful waitrons are skidding around the waxed floors of the room dressed in early-1960's artists smocks, and I couldn't be more charmed. On to dessert. I've selected the maple seahorses, and what a great decision that has turned out to be! As I savor these decadent candy creatures, I wallow in the realization that there is nothing bitter about my experience here at the Bitterest Gumdrop. And so I heartily commend "the Drop" to you with my highest commendation--Five Freaking Decorative Cabbages!